British TV has been graced with some good and/or memorable theme music. There are some very catchy tunes and some well arranged atmosphere pieces out there.
So I made a quick list of all the theme tunes that first came to mind and decided to carry out some research into their composers.
But I quickly came across a striking fact. They all have names that are ... well... how shall I put this? Let me just say that they conjure up a vision of mid-twentieth century mustachioed executives or car dealers, rather in the manner of the names of the heroes of Sue Hendra's books.
Let's start with sports programmes:
Grandstand: Keith Mansfield.
Wimbledon: Keith Mansfield wrote the opening music but I prefer the closing music, which is by Leslie Statham (aka Arnold Steck), who also wrote the original music for Match of the Day. Yes, Wimbledon can claim a Keith, a Leslie and an Arnold.
One Man and His Dog: Alan Benson.
Ski Sunday: Samuel Soden, aka Sam Fonteyn. Sam is a perfectly normal name, but I couldn't exclude the Ski Sunday theme without it looking like cherry picking. Let's call this an exception.
Match of the Day: Barry Stoller.
Then onto less sporting fare:
Brideshead Revisited: Geoffrey Burgon
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy: also Burgon
Chronicles of Narnia: also Burgon. You get to recognise the sound of the brass after a bit. Burgon did many other things too that I do not remember, perhaps because he left out the brass sections from those pieces.
Now, you might perhaps be inclined to intone "Geoffrey Burgon" with terribly round vowels and consider it an appropriate name for a Norman crusader or his modern descendant, a man of substance and good breeding. But I invite you instead to consider good old Geoff Burgon propping up the bar at the 19th hole and asking his old chums Alan, Barry and Keith to name their poison, not forgetting their good lady wives. You will find that it helps my thesis.
Hetty Wainthropp Investigates: Nigel Hess. Hess also did the award-nominated Wycliffe theme, which is a bit busy for my taste.
Last of the Summer Wine: Ronnie Hazlehurst. Hazlehurst also wrote the music for Reggie Perrin and Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, neither of which I can hum without looking up but which I daresay are also pretty good.
Jeeves and Wooster: Anne Dudley. A lone female entrant in my list who has (a) worked on lots of films, (b) is married to a man called Roger and (c) has a long working relationship with a man called Trevor (namely Trevor Horn). I do not feel that she invalidates the thesis.
Pride and Prejudice: Carl Davis, an American who moved to the UK. Davis also wrote an on-the-money theme for the 2010 Upstairs Downstairs series that I didn't watch.
Eastenders: another Leslie, namely Leslie Osborne, but in collaboration with Simon May.
64 Zoo Lane: Rowland Lee.
In fairness, I should point out that I also had down In the Night Garden ... , which is by Andrew Davenport, who is clearly both a man of parts and unlikely to star in any Sue Hendra story.
(The Johnny Briggs theme was not originally written for the show and so I feel justified in excluding John Ambrose Greenwood from my list of TV theme composers. Don't ask me too many questions about Arnold Steck.)
I then wondered if my thesis is true of the great US TV theme tunes. The answer is: .... yes!
Dallas: Jerrold Immel - a hit!
Knots Landing: also Jerrold Immel!
McGyver: Randy Edelman. I feel that "Randy Edelman" is the American equivalent of "Barry Stoller" or "Nigel Hess".
The A Team: Mike Post and Pete Carpenter. Oh dear, a bit like Sam Fonteyn - an exception to my theory. But then I looked further, namely on Wikipedia, and saw that Garry Schyman's contribution was uncredited. On the basis of his name alone, I am now entirely convinced that Schyman is the unsung hero of one of the best-remembered of all TV theme tunes.
The Dukes of Hazzard's theme tune was written and performed by Waylon Jennings. Terry Bush wrote the music for The Littlest Hobo.
At this point I have to stop and declare that my thesis is now established beyond doubt. All of those men and no John, no James, no Tim or Steve or Dave or Dan or Matt or Ben or Rob or Alex or Mark or Will or Chris or Ed or ... Nor any Tarquins, Orlandos or Florians. But yet a Barry, a Garry and a Terry, a Geoff, a Jerrold and an Arnold: you have to admit that I am on to something.
There was obviously no bar to being called John and writing good tunes in the 20th century: I give you John "Star Wars Superman Jurassic Park" Williams. But clearly the same unwarranted snobbishness that meant that Hollywood actors used to look down on TV parts means that TV theme tunes were reserved to the Nigels and Keiths of the world, while the William Waltons and John Williamses took the big screen parts. I am sorry to report this, and I can only hope that the recent improvement in the standing of TV shows means that their composers will get the recognition they deserve.
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